The Importance of Storytelling Rona Barbour

The Importance of Storytelling

Rona Barbour

THE IMPORTANCE OF STORYTELLING.

RONA BARBOUR

It didn’t take the years of working towards a degree in psychology to help me understand why it’s important. Nor did it take two decades of working at the highest level in Human Resource Recruitment. It took becoming a working storyteller… which I have been for the last fifteen years to understand what makes storytelling to children vital and this is why I believe it to be so:

Going back a few decades, prior to television and the age of technology, electronics and computer games, people communicated with each other almost continuously. When not otherwise employed, either at work or in the home, almost every waking moment was taken up with verbal communication with those around you. People would sit around in the evenings talking and telling of their day’s events. Passing on things they had heard during the day with those who wanted to be the centre of attention, embellishing the truth for greater effect. People in general, were tellers of stories and for the children this was an important part of growing up and learning not only the vital art of verbal communication and being confident and comfortable with it but also about being taken into the circle and being trusted, and hearing about family issues as well as the world around them and learning where they fitted in and children, of all ages, loved this.

In those bygone times the day would begin with a discussion of the previous days’ events. Adults (usually mother) would talk and also ask questions, children would reply, mother would give her responses and would interpret meanings and explain situations, all the while and usually unconsciously communicating with the children and also unconsciously, instilling principles, morals and values as she spoke.

Some children were even lucky enough to have bedtime stories read to them or told orally. Sometimes parents or grandparents or whoever, would just tell about the days’ events, what had happened on the way to work or who had turned up unexpectedly, because people did so frequently in those days, before everyone had telephones and they would talk about other family members in great detail so children then, knew all about their extended family and as most adults would agree, children just love this kind of thing. At this time of telling stories, a real emotional bond was created between teller and listener which gave the child a real sense of belonging and of being a valued and important part of the family. This knowledge was of course, intrinsic.

Best of all was to be told the old traditional tales and this indeed was a bonus. Teaching children about the dangers of life and about the good guys and the bad guys, who usually got their comeuppance and about things worth knowing… and in doing so passing on the knowledge of how talking, sometimes solves the problem on its’ own. This was how children learned and also learned how to communicate, also the way in which to communicate. The difference between how one spoke to an elder as opposed to a sibling for instance. Every little nuance of the adult’s voice was picked up on and children quickly understood the difference between what was good and what was bad, what was right and what was wrong.

This was the beginning of learning and understanding about empathy and rapport. It was also the beginning of children understanding about boundaries and the need for them… This knowledge was also intrinsic.

Now that the everyday, ongoing storytelling as we knew it then no longer exists, it is blatantly obvious that children are missing out on this early learning opportunity and we must do something about it. It is vital that children are still told stories, that there is still the opportunity to create that bond between the child and the grown up and to make that child feel that they belong. So many young people now are disengaged from their families and feel lost, unimportant and undervalued. They have no real sense of belonging, precious little sense of empathy or rapport and have little or no knowledge of their own culture or family history. Nobody does this talking thing anymore they tell me. Deep down these young people feel unwanted and unloved… and how do I know this?

For the last 8 years I have also been working with teenagers and young adults who have been excluded from mainstream school, hundreds of them and usually for behavioural issues but when I get to talk to them and they open up, it’s always the same story. They feel as if they don’t belong, as if no one cares about them and that they are worthless. I listen and then I talk, only after I’ve heard what they have to say and they appreciate this so much. I then tell them stories, sometimes traditional tales and sometimes just about my days’ events. The effect that storytelling has on them at this stage now is mind blowing proving that it’s never too late to show them where they belong and how they are valued

Boundaries are put in place to protect children because they are loved. Children feel safer when they are restricted and disciplined and so without boundaries these children and young adults naturally feel that nobody cares enough and so they must be worthless, they do not have the sophistication to understand that the problem is not that simple, of course they are loved but if adults don’t convey this to them in some way, how are they to know?

Families are no longer close, not just geographically but often just too busy to stay in touch. Gone are the good old days when you knew your neighbours and they knew you. Gone are the times when they looked out for you and would tell your folks if you got up to no good and although children never knew why and didn’t always appreciate it, they did know that is was how it was meant to be, everyone looking out for each other. This has all gone now sadly and there has been nothing to replace that.

Even now many parents are too busy to really talk to their offspring and often too tired to cope with even the slightest confrontation so will just give in. It’s a lot easier to say yes than it is to say no and then have to deal with the backlash and often a feeling of guilt (for not being there all day) will result in the parent wanting to please rather than parent. So the children have few, or worse still no boundaries

It’s too easy to blame the parents, they are not the ones at fault although it may seem like I have just said so.

Fault if it is to be called that, lies in many directions starting with the global rise in technology and all its’ wonders. It is an incredible cyber world we live in now and for many reasons and in many ways it is fantastic but have we paid too high a price for this global phenomenon? Have we lost the ability to communicate with each other at even the most basic level?

Fault also lies with the drastic change in our human behaviours, the parents of our young people today are the children of the parents who were around at the start of the technology boom and were the children of the parents who were around in the sixties when anything went and we thought we could have it all. We started watching television and stopped talking. We started to want more out of life and were prepared to work for it but who would mind our children? We forgot how to be parents.

This desperate need to be somebody and have our “fifteen minutes of fame”, stems from never having been given that as a child and not having been drawn into that favoured circle and sharing the news about the days’ events and so not being made to feel valued.

You may feel that I have either over dramatised the case for telling stories here… or in fact over simplified it depending on your point of view and I welcome any feedback on this as it is a very real issue in today’s world and one which I am often called upon as a Keynote Speaker to talk about. Storytelling in all formats is vital for the development of all children and the pleasure of reading a story to a child should not be underestimated. Of course not every child is deprived of stories, there are still many families where storytelling at bed time is a familiar nightly ritual and there are some teachers who are determined to tell stories to their pupils despite the difficulties in finding time within the curriculum because these teachers know the added value of storytelling in the class. Teachers often tell me that they know which children in their class have been read to or told stories, and sadly nowadays there are so few, and the teacher can tell simply because the signs are there and they are so obvious. The child is a better listener, has increased vocabulary, a good imagination, better understanding and is more creative. Storytelling definitely gives a child a better start in life.

Whether the story is true or false, whether real or imagined just to share that moment with the child will have such a lasting impact that will stay with them throughout their life so it has to be worth doing even if it sometimes feels like a chore at the time. You will never regret it and they will never forget it! If we are to save our heritage, we must make people understand the power of, and the need for storytelling especially to our young people, and our children. It is their heritage and their right, it lets them begin to understand the world around them and where they fit in.

Without the development of this close emotional bond between storyteller and listener, where and how will children and young people develop the necessary understanding of and the need for principles and values, empathy and rapport? Aren’t these the things that will help make them the proud parents of the future that they deserve the chance to be?