SIGNPOSTS

SIGNPOSTS

SIGNPOSTS
by
John Mackinnon

The American Sioux Indians have an expression 'Hoka Hey' that was famously shouted by their chief Crazy Horse upon going into battle, meaning 'Now is a good time to die'. Over the years a more contemporary interpretation is that when one has reached a feeling of sublime happiness, having completed all that they wished to do in this life, then at that point, 'Now is a good time to die'. In a more flippant sense this can be uttered when one is supremely happy and simply filled with the joy of life.
But what could possibly bring any of us to this point of supreme happiness? What can we do to reach this state?

Looking back on my travels it is clear to me now that I have at times been struck with what seem like Epiphanies, little (or great) 'aha' moments along the way that have given me new understandings and which remain formed in my mind as signposts or way-markers that help to define my ultimate destination - "happiness".

Signpost Number 1 - It's not about me.

Time of course has dulled my memory somewhat, but if I am honest with myself it seems that when I was a very small boy, happiness came as a direct result of having exactly what I wanted, and what I wanted was lots of 'stuff and attention'. Great food (mostly sweets, drinks and ice cream) in abundance, toys that my friends would envy, and family and friends who loved me. I wanted always to be the centre of attention. I was the 'show off', the funny boy, the class clown. To me it seemed that happiness came hand in hand with anything that was focussed on ME!

How upsetting then to learn later the meaning of the words 'selfish' , 'self indulgent'! To realize that popularity diminishes in direct proportion to acts of self centred greed or vanity. On our third birthday to discover that by vigorously embracing ALL of our birthday cake to the exclusion of our guests was not a recipe for friendship, even if we did believe until that point (or as our parents had led us to believe) that the centre of the universe really was us.

I have a clear memory from when I was about the age of five years old. My Uncle had purchased the latest in technology, a Super 8 home movie camera, and with it, on a small hill near our Grandparents village, he filmed my brother and I and our two cousins running up the hill as a group towards him. As we got closer I stopped alone and let the others run on past him. Then I strode up towards the camera on my own. From this early age it was obvious to everyone that I had to be the focus of attention.

Of course time and experience work their magic to show that 'stuff' and ME alone does not bring happiness. The world is filled with deeply unhappy millionaires and the suicide rate in the very rich ( per capita ) is no different to that of the very poor. As the old Italian proverb puts it 'After the game the King and the Pawn go back in the same box.'

So we don't need rocket science to teach us that having lots of 'stuff', and that attention seeking for the purpose of self gratification alone only brings us the opposite of happiness.

Signpost Number 2 - Do not defer kindness.

As I have grown up ( read 'older'), I have become a self professed 'strict perpendicular' when it comes to my religious beliefs. Taking an interest in most religions, subscribing to none in particular, but drawing from each, those wisdoms that make the most sense to me.
I remember reading Corinthians for the first time....
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity. "

And 'Charity' by the Oxford dictionary definition is a "kindness and tolerance in judging others, a love of humankind..."

This ability to project our feelings away from ourselves and towards others has resonated with me since my early teenage years. Prompted perhaps by a sense of self preservation in an high school environment where self centred behaviours are quickly admonished and disciplined by exclusion from the company of our peers. An understanding develops in us, in so much that simple acts of kindness are frequently met with smiles of gratitude and yes, it seems, expressions of happiness from those so touched. Spontaneous, non-patronizing things that we do for others that will brighten their day or relieve in some small way their sadness. So happiness created brings happiness in return.

So too, over the years I have come to understand that kindness and love must be extended without expectation of reward, without discrimination, and towards ALL living creatures. How many times have we looked into the eyes of a favourite pet and felt some sense of another soul within. Who can say if our affection is understood other than by the simplest observation of a tail wagging or a cat purring?
When I was at high school some friends of mine kept homing pidgeons in their back yard and we spent many hours watching them fly freely during the day and return to their nesting boxes at sunset. We took special care to watch them safely enter the pidgeon run as this was the perfect time for the local cats who lay in wait for their evening meal..
Later on at different times, I was given two pidgeons, simply because neither of the birds could fly and no-one else wanted them. The first I named 'Daggy' because he had bedraggled feathers and a deformed wing. I built a modest pidgeon house in the back corner of our garden and made a comfortable nest for him in an old upturned army helmet. Life was simple enough for him and I'm sure he enjoyed our many little chats, but later to give him company of his own, I brought home 'Fanny', so named because she was a Fan-Tail pidgeon, bred for showing but completely unable to do more than flutter short distances. My pidgeon breeding escalated further with a much grander cage for about thirty pidgeons all of whom were forming pairs and breeding. It was interesting to note that once paired, a 'pidgeon pair' stayed together for life. I prepared their nesting boxes and watched daily as first their eggs and then their babies appeared. I watched and learned and cared for them with the right food and the right water, specially prepared to prevent sickness. And inevitably when the time came, I learned to know when they were dying. I remember holding Daggy at the end.
In all the years since, I can't begin to count the numerous injured pidgeons and sparrows that I have 'rescued' from the road-side. Most of course being too far hurt for me to help other than to simply hold them, but there have been wonderful times when birds have shared the hospitality of our house for a few days and then almost miraculously taken to the sky when their time was right.

So it seems now that any gesture of love or compassion that I would withhold does in itself diminish me, for time itself is fleeting and with that, the opportunity to express all that is good and worthy of my highest aspirations including that of happiness.

Signpost Number Three - Love unreservedly

I consider myself very lucky that from an early age I have enjoyed all the outward sensations of being 'in love'. Including of course my pubescent high school fascinations with the good looking girl in the class next door or the girl at the local swimming pool whose cute feet fascinated me and whose kisses on the grass lawn I still remember. With the passage of time I now realize that on some occasions I was simply in love with being in love. A state of being that can make fools of us all, but until that cruel reality bites, love in its purest form is the most wonderful sensation of happiness. The deepest sense of fulfilment I have ever experienced is to have committed myself completely to another, to have held her close with infinity and to have known that I have been genuinely loved as deeply in return. And yes, I am talking about the girl at the swimming pool, Margaret, even though time and the meanderings of circumstance got in the way for three decades before we met again and married.

….But I love your feet
only because they walked
upon the earth and upon
the wind and upon the waters,
until they found me.

Pablo Neruda

Signpost Number Four - Your children are not your children

Some of us will experience the joys of marriage and of raising children of our own and the great happiness we share in the growth and development of wide eyed young souls. However, we soon realize the truth of that famous poem 'On Children' from Lebanon's national poet, Kahil Gibran

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."

And so, whether children are born through and raised naturally by our own love, or whether thay are adopted and raised by a loving couple, or whether they are deeply influenced by the good they see in others, they can be set safely on their lifes trajectory by the examples of goodness and love that we can all share with them. Thus by the influence we have in the development of young lives, we can create great happiness in others, and in ourselves.

Signpost Number Five - If you don't stand for something...

By virtue of an enquiring mind for which I thank my parents and/or genetics, I have always been compelled to follow and to be led on to further paths of discovery. I have been lucky to have travelled to different countries and to have shared in the wisdom of different cultures. Each with its own contribution to my understanding of happiness. In Australia where I live, there is a sense of 'mateship' irrespective of gender, that crosses all racial boundaries. The only pre-requisite for being a good mate is to be 'fair dinkum', that is, to be straight and true in speech and behaviour, not to be a boaster, to stand up for what is right, to work hard ( i.e. don't be a 'bludger') and at all times to be loyal to your fellow mates.
On reflection it seems to me that these simple 'Aussie' attributes are not dissimilar to the teachings of Buddha's EIGHTFOLD PATH

1. Having the right understanding.
2. Having the right aspiration.
3. Having the right speech.
4. Having the right conduct.
5. Having the right livelihood.
6. Making the right effort.
7. Developing mindfulness.
8. Developing concentration.

And I'm always reminded that, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

Signpost Number Six - After the storm comes the rainbow

In Chinese philosophy however, we are also introduced to the concept of 'Yin and Yang' two poles of existence that are opposite and yet complementary. One cannot exist without the other, just as there can be no day without night, no life without death and no happiness without unhappiness. It is our ability to cope with the inevitable reality of unhappiness that determines who we are and whether we will ultimately find happiness before we reach the end of our days. For some who have experienced the horrors of war, the loss of loved ones, or who have sufferred through persecution, illness or starvation, it may seem insensitive to discuss the possibility of happiness at all. And yet, time sometimes does help to heal. Instances are not uncommon of those who have endured so much that by their example others have found comfort and happiness and through this they have themselves found peace.

Signpost Number Seven -Take time to smell the flowers

I have an Uncle 'Mick' who lives in Scotland and who on a visit to Australia with my Aunt came to stay with us for a few days. Knowing that he was a keen golfer, I asked him if perhaps he would like to play on one of our local golf courses. However, since it was during mid week and since I was unable to take a full day off work, I suggested that we could start our game at 6am as the sun was rising. Mick was gracious in accepting this offer even though at that time he was happily retired and not pre-disposed to getting out of bed so early. Nevertheless, we played the next morning as planned. Knowing that I had to be at work by a certain hour I must say I played like a man posessed. Swinging hurriedly with every stroke and invariably either missing the ball completely or slicing it off into the wildest undergrowth. At the end of the game, I asked Mick if he enjoyed it. He replied "John, in Scotland we have an expression when it comes to golf, and to life in general. "You must take time to smell the flowers!" "Let us play again tomorrow at 6am, but this time ring your office and let them know you will be arriving a bit later". Well, we played again the next day as Mick had suggested, and without the pressure of a tight schedule I DID take time to smell the flowers, and to happily chat with him as we leisurely walked together. At the end of the game I had learned more about my Uncle and our family than I had ever known. I had thoroughly enjoyed the experience AND my score had improved by fifteen strokes!

In all the years since I have found great happiness in taking time to live in the moment. To look at and SEE the beauty of the surrounding countryside, to listen to and HEAR the sounds of the oceans and the rivers and to witness at all times the sheer beauty that is Mother Nature herself. I have stood atop a snow covered mountain with my children and my grandchildren and marvelled in awe at all that is so much greater than the sum of our being. In the years since they were all born we have shared a common understanding.. "It is not the 'things' in life that we will remember, but the 'experiences' that we share together".

Then too, even in our small garden at home there are so many birds during the day (and possums at night) that are a source of constant happiness to watch and hear them all. There is a lovely little poem that summarizes this feeling:-
' The kiss of sun for pardon, The song of birds for mirth, One is closer to God in a garden than anywhere else on earth.'

Signpost Number Eight - Laugh as if you're life depended upon it.

But what of laughter? Isn't laughter in itself a sure sign of happiness? Is laughter really a preventative cure-all that we should practice to take in daily doses to fore-stall sickness, anxiety and unhappiness?
Or could it be as the old saying goes 'The best medicine'? I have a clear opinion on this which I learned from a very good friend named 'Leo'. There is a particularly rare form of cancer which we don't often hear of. Cancer of the nose (or more specifically of the nasal passages) attacks upwards of 10,000 people per year in China, mostly as a result of inhaling carcenogenic sawdust from particle board in furniture factories. In Australia only twenty people per year are affected by it. Leo, for no obvious reason was one of them. He had no association with woodworking and no logical reason for being diagnosed with what is a particularly exhausting form of cancer. Because of its location in the body it is difficult to treat with radiation without inevitably creating ulcers and lesions in the mouth and throat. Chemotherapy added to this just makes the whole life threatening condition even more debilitating. I clearly remember visiting Leo when he was at the peak of his treatment and I realized then just how fragile life was and how much I should treasure every day with the people that I know and love. He was sitting in his little shop having insisted on returning to work whenever treatments were pending. His face was drawn and grey and he wore the haggard expression of one who is genuinely exhausted. His cheeks were sunken and he had deep dark rings around his eyes. In his nose was inserted a naso-gastric feeding tube as he was no longer able to eat or drink normally.
Yet he was laughing and joking! I asked him how he could appear to be so cheerful (given that at that stage he could have been terminally ill), and he looked at me and said, "If I don't laugh at myself and this situation I will go mad with self pity"! And with that he said "Come with me". I followed him outside the shop to his car where he opened the boot and took out two CD Disks and gave them to me. "Here", he said. "Take these, and play them in your car when you drive home today. If you're not laughing out loud in the first five minutes, I'll be a monkeys uncle. This, LAUGHTER, is what keeps me going."
I did as Leo suggested. The CD's he had given me were of an Irish stand up comedian who has worked in a Dublin dinner club for over 25 years. His name is Noel V Ginnarty and I still laugh when I think of him. He embodies all that is great about Irish humour and its wonderful self deprecating ability to look at oneself in the face and laugh. Without one swear word or vulgarity in any of it, I was laughing AT Noel and WITH Leo as I drove home.
I'm pleased to say that Leo is now fully recovered and is just starting to regain his tastebuds for the red wine that he loves so much. Now, with the experience behind him, he says he plans to drink all of his red wine cellar while he has the chance. To live in the moment is his plan for future happiness.

More Signposts - pending

As I reflect on all my 'signposts' I am acutely aware that there will be more to come. Simple 'Aha' moments where something else about life's great mystery falls into place. This then is the exciting part, not knowing the unknown but venturing further in the positive expectation that even though there will be storms, they will be followed by rainbows.
At what point I will have journeyed enough to say "Now is a good day to die", I still don't know, but I know that I won't be surrounded by "things" more than the wonderful memories of the ones I have loved and all the experiences we shared together.

“We are visitors on this planet. We are here for one hundred years at the very most. During that period we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. if you contribute to other people's happiness, you will find the true meaning of life.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

JOHN MACKINNON 7/4/2013